


i could not travel both (be one traveler)

by anothercover



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, Season/Series 03, really only rachel/quinn if you squint, there intentionally though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 14:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11210289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anothercover/pseuds/anothercover
Summary: Post 3.10, "Yes/No". Finn holds out the ring and for one long, shining moment, Rachel follows the thread, all the way down.  She’s watching a movie she’s already seen a thousand times.





	i could not travel both (be one traveler)

Finn holds out the ring and for one long, shining moment, she follows the thread, all the way down. She’s watching a movie she’s already seen a thousand times. 

They marry in the spring, a year after high school graduation. Kurt designs her dress and they have three enormous, nearly friendship-ending arguments along the way, because he wants her to go with a slinky Pippa Middleton sheath and she is adamant that on a girl’s wedding day, she’s perfectly allowed to entertain every single Disney ball gown fantasy that’s ever drifted through her mind. 

She gets her way, of course. She gets to be a princess. 

Mercedes is her maid of honor, Puck the best man. Her dads walk her down the aisle, one on each arm, and Shelby gives a lovely reading, little Beth nestled on the lap of her new (and age-appropriate) boyfriend. Finn doesn’t quite cry when he reads his vows, but his eyes are definitely sparkly, which of course makes _her_ cry and ruin her eye makeup. Their reception is at a ballroom in the Holiday Inn, where they serve whole-wheat pasta primavera and rosemary-grilled chicken with mashed potatoes, and she hardly touches the pasta because her stomach is swimming with nerves and excitement and the champagne she, Mercedes, and Kurt shared while they were fluffing her veil, touching up her eyeshadow and mascara. Mr. Schue gives a toast, Burt – her new father-in-law, now – gives a better one. 

New Directions reunites to perform a lovely rendition of ‘Til There Was You, the big surprise sendoff as they leave for their honeymoon in Niagara Falls, under a shower of soap bubbles and birdseed.

***

They settle into a one-bedroom apartment five blocks from the auto shop. They write thank-you notes, adopt a dog, open a joint checking account. They paint the kitchen a cheerful buttery yellow, the bedroom a soothing, pretty peach. They accept Finn’s parents’ old furniture when his mother stops by and announces that she's decided to redecorate her house. They pretend they don’t know it’s charity.

She starts classes at Lima Community College and Finn goes to work for Burt. She’s studying to become a teacher and he’s learning the business side of the shop – doing the books, payroll, supply ordering, employee management. 

He always makes breakfast. They leave at the same time in the mornings, but she’s usually home before him. She does homework with iTunes on shuffle in the background, she goes for long jogs. She signs up for a dance class at the community center, but she’s surprised and embarrassed when she realizes she’s a little out of practice, and after three sessions, she switches to yoga. She does the grocery shopping and sometimes Mr. Schue emails her his new set list, for his new club members, and asks for her input. When Finn comes through the door at night, he’s always singing. He calls her “Mrs. Hudson” and it always makes her giggle.

Her dads host Thanksgiving that first year, her in-laws get Christmas. Kurt makes it back to Lima in December, full of stories about Blaine and school and all the bright dazzling newness of New York. She wishes she could spend more time with him, but he’s only back for two weeks and she has so much to do lately. A magical newlywed Christmas is not going to plan itself.

***

She’s pregnant with their first daughter a year later, their second a year after that. She sort of imagined that motherhood would look more like The Sound Of Music, that she’d spend a lot of time sewing sweet little handmade outfits and gathering her kids onto the bed so they could all sing together. She pictured drinking hot chocolate on a snowy afternoon with a little mini-Rachel, showing her Funny Girl for the first time. She’d have time to bake cookies from scratch every afternoon.

She didn’t picture quite this much vomit and exhaustion. She didn’t quite realize all those ideas, if they happen at all, will be years and years down the road. 

It’s not easy to finish her degree when she’s so busy with their daughters, but she’s always been extremely motivated, focused, and driven. It takes a little longer, but she gets her diploma. Finn builds the frame for it, and he hangs it on the wall of the den in their first house, a cute three-bedroom ranch that’s a ten-minute drive from both of their families.

***

Years later, she’ll log into Facebook to post some new pictures of her girls and Quinn Fabray’s name will come up in a sidebar. It will be on her birthday, so Rachel will click her profile to write something on her wall, even though she hasn’t spoken to Quinn in years.

Quinn Fabray graduated from the Yale School of Drama and lives in Manhattan. She’s currently playing Hope Harcourt in the Broadway revival of Anything Goes! Her favorite book is A Visit From The Goon Squad and her favorite movie is still Pretty In Pink. Her guest appearance on Once Upon A Time as Sleeping Beauty airs this Sunday night, ABC, 8PM, please mark your calendars, and if you’re free tonight, she’s hitting McGee’s and drinking with all her girls for the big B-day blowout, but please for the love of God, don’t remind her that she’s turning (gasp!) 28!!!!

Rachel will stare at Quinn’s page for a very long time before snapping back to attention. She’ll look around the room guiltily, like she’s been caught watching porn. 

She will calm down, write a perfunctory _Happy birthday!_ , and finally post the pictures of her gorgeous daughters, who are getting so big, so quickly.

***

She gets a job at McKinley High once they expand the arts program, after Coach Sylvester finally retires and money opens up for other departments. She’s the new drama teacher, she directs the fall musical and the spring play, and she’s working closely with Mr. Schue – Will, now, she’s expected to call him Will, but she still feels like he’s a grownup and she should be too young to speak to an adult as an equal. Even though she’s married, even though she has two kids and a career and a mortgage and drives a minivan to work, even though she qualifies as an adult by any conceivable metric.

They do Carousel in the fall. She casts Naomi Palm, a pretty blonde sophomore, as Julie Jordan, and as Naomi lingers over the final, wistful note of If I Loved You, Rachel’s eyes flood with a kind of furious pride. She coached this girl for weeks and oh, that last note is shattering. Naomi is almost as good as _she_ used to be. 

On the last night, her students bring her an armful of red roses and insist she take a bow at curtain call. Finn is standing in the front row, whooping madly for her, beaming with happiness.

***

Finn takes her to New York for a long weekend once a year. They leave the kids with their grandfathers and she sleeps on Finn’s shoulder the entire plane ride, three blissful, uninterrupted hours. They see two shows, eat at a nice restaurant, do a little shopping for the girls. It’s such a nice break, but she’s still glad to get home at the end, always, she really is, truly, she is.

She saves their ticket stubs and the Playbills, seals them in a scrapbook with a hot glue gun. She decorates the pages with swoops and curlicues of gold glitter, she papers the edges with gold star stickers. It fills out a little more every year. Finn always picks two terrific shows for them to see.

***

They have a good life. They have a contented, cozy, safe life, and Rachel Berry follows the thread back up to the beginning, back to this moment, where Finn is standing in front of her with a tiny, sparkling ring and a hopeful look.

That’s why Rachel Berry opens her mouth and says “Finn. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. No.”

**Author's Note:**

> Very old fic that I quite obviously wrote along ago that I'm moving over from a very old LJ - and clearly, the show itself went in an entirely different direction after this, for many reasons. But I'm fond of this piece, and I wanted to revisit it after a discussion with a friend today about how much more we would have liked Glee if it had committed to either putting both feet in a cartoon fantasy or a realistic world instead of one of each. 
> 
> The two lives in which Rachel Berry envisioned herself over the course of the show, to me, were mutually exclusive. There comes a point in which you have to choose one. I didn't think Finn was a bad person; I did think he and Rachel were, always, deeply wrong for each other and too afraid - and too in love with their own mythology - to acknowledge it. I wanted her to acknowledge it.
> 
> I was always a little sad that she was never quite allowed to make her own choice. I wanted to write something about that choice.


End file.
